The effects of parental alienation
(on the child) include:
Research also shows that adult children
of alienation are prone to:
The effects on the rejected parent
are equally devastating & permanent
if the parent-child bond remains broken & should be given due attention in our legal & social systems.
being prepared by knowing all opposing parties....
you can read these articles to keep on top
of major objections & those opposed to the reality of PAS... simply click on the underlined link to go to the article
& when you are ready to come back here, click on the "Back" button on your browser....
American Journal of Family
Therapy 30(3):191-202 (2002).
Denial of the Parental Alienation Syndrome Also Harms Women
"What's good for the goose is good for the
gander." Old Proverb
"What's bad for the gander is also bad for the goose." Richard A. Gardner
Richard A. Gardner. M.D.
Columbia University, New York, New York, USA
Denying reality is obviously a maladaptive way of dealing with a situation. In
fact, denial is generally considered to be one of the defense mechanisms, mechanisms
that are inappropriate, maladaptive & pathological.
the field of medicine to deny the existence of a disease seriously compromises the physicians
ability to help patients. If a physician doesn't believe that a particular disease exists, then it will not be given consideration
when making a differential diagnosis & the patient may then go untreated.
is in line w/the ancient medical principle that proper diagnosis must precede proper treatment. Or, if for some external reason
the physician recognizes the disorder, but feels obligated to use another name, other problems arise, e.g., impaired communication
w/others regarding exactly what is going on w/the patient & hence improper treatment. This is what is occurring at this
point w/the parental alienation syndrome, a disorder whose
existence has compelling verification.
In this article I discuss the reasons for
denial of the PAS & the ways in which such denial harms families. Particular emphasis will be given to the ways in which this denial harms women, although I will certainly comment on the ways in which the denial harms their husbands & children.
In the past, denial of the PAS has caused men much grief. Such denial is now causing women similar grief.
understanding what it's really about...
The alienating parent's primary purpose for indoctrinating into the children a campaign of
denigration against the target parent is to gain leverage
in the court of law. The childs alienation has less to do w/bona fide animosity or even hatred of the alienated
parent, but more to do w/the fear that if such acrimony is not exhibited, the alienating parent will reject the child.
These are the primary symptomatic manifestations of the parental alienation syndrome:
1. A campaign of denigration
2. Weak, absurd, or frivolous rationalizations
for the deprecation
3. Lack of ambivalence
4. The "independent-thinker" phenomenon
5. Reflexive support of the alienating
parent in the parental conflict
6. Absence of guilt over cruelty
to &/or exploitation of the alienated parent
7. The presence of borrowed scenarios
8. Spread of the animosity to the
friends &/or extended family of the alienated parent
DO...take off the gloves & demand immediate action
by the Court to STOP the abuse of your child. Remind the Court in the strongest terms possible that your child's
life, mental health & their continued on going relationship w/you is at stake... AND that if they don't intervene immediately the chances of ever saving your child &
your relationship together will be ZERO.
- DO...start to immediately educate yourself, your lawyer, your Judge,
your psychologist & your child, if possible, about PAS. This is one of the most widespread forms
of emotional child abuse there is arising out of our Family Court system today & there are at least 1,000 internet web
sites for you to obtain information from about PAS.
- DO...fully prepare yourself for your Court presentation about PAS.
To do this you should print & make several copies of all the information on PAS you find on these web sites &
put them in at least four (4) separate booklets & entitle them.. URGENT & IMPORTANT INFORMATION FOR THE COURT ON PAS....What
you need to know about the abuse of my child to save him/her & me from a lifetime of pain & suffering. Before you
go into Court you should give one of these booklets to your lawyer & your psychologist while keeping one for yourself
& the Court.
If you have a flair for the dramatic
to make your point you can also add a reprint of my web site home page w/my daughters picture & number of days I haven't
seen her because of PAS & the Courts refusal to intervene to stop her abuse. At the top of the page you should also write
in big letters ....I DO NOT INTEND TO ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN TO ME & MY CHILD
- DO...tell the Court if they don't act immediately to stop your childs
abuse, you'll take your PAS case & all the proof & evidence
you provided the Court on your child's PAS condition to the local newspapers & T.V. stations... AND...
you'll post your case & Judges name on all the PAS internet web sites for the whole world to see how
derelict the Court was in not carrying out its responsibility to protect your child from your former spouses severe emotional
abuse & the permanent destruction of you & your child's relationship together.
- DO...trust your own instincts as a parent to
do what is in the best interests of your child when confronted w/this PAS problem...AND...if the Court won't protect your child's interests, then you'll protect his/her interests
yourself. This you will do by public exposure of your case to the media until the Court does protect your child's interests
as the law requires them to do. It may take a long time but you must never ever give up the fight.
- DO...continue to reach out to your PAS affected child no matter how many times they tell you how much they hate you &
never want to see you again. While they may say these things to you, the fact is they really don't hate you
& actually yearn desperately to see you again, but those feelings are not allowed any expression by the abusing parent.
- DO...keep your faith in God & yourself at all
times while always taking the high road to fight & solve this problem.
DON'T...trust or count on ANYONE to know anything about PAS or to try & help you save
your child & your relationship together. Almost all lawyers, Judges, psychologists
& Court mediators who are involved in your case KNOW
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT PAS...AND...even if they did would probably not have the time or be able to fully
understand your case & how important it is for Court intervention to stop your child's PAS abuse. In most PAS cases none
of these people really care about helping you & your child either.
- DON'T...delude yourself into
thinking that your local Family Court, your Judge, your lawyer, your psychologist or anyone else but you really wants to look
out for & protect the best interests of your child.
- DON'T...trust or count on ANYONE to properly educate
themselves on PAS. This is particularly true about your former spouse, Family Court Judges & Court appointed
psychologists. You must do all this research & education about PAS yourself to pass on to all the people involved in your
- DON'T...allow the Court or anyone else to intimidate
you. You'll be challenged at every turn & told you don't know what you are talking about when you mention
PAS. Many will also tell you that PAS is nothing more than a figment of your imagination & that it has never been proven
& doesn't even exist in the Psychiatric Association's Bible of mental & psychiatric disorders known as DSM-IV. Some
of these people will further tell you that this was only a "pipe dream" invented by Dr. Richard Gardner to sell his books. DON'T believe a word these people tell you & never give in
to their intimidating tactics to discredit you, PAS or Dr. Gardner.
- DON'T...allow the Court or anyone else to delay or
prolong your Court hearing on this matter. The longer this PAS abuse goes on w/your child, the more difficult
it will be for you to do anything to stop it...AND...If
it goes on for too long w/out Court intervention (ie. 6 months or more) then your chances of ever re-establishing a normal
healthy relationship w/your child will start to approach ZERO.
- DON'T...engage in any kind of retaliatory brainwashing
PAS abuse of your child yourself. The temptation is always there to "fight fire with fire" when you are being
attacked & maligned by your former spouse, BUT DON'T EVER DO IT. REMEMBER what I said before.
Always take the High Moral ground for your child & if you want to get angry & verbally
attack someone, get angry & attack the people who are doing this to your child. Never get angry at
your child for how he/she is behaving or in any other way do anything to further hurt your child. You
must be able to walk a fine line always trusting in yourself & your God to see & fight this thing through for the
ultimate best interests of your child & yourself.
- DON'T...ever GIVE UP no matter how many well meaning
&/or not so well meaning people tell you to do so. You will constantly hear people tell you that you should
merely give up the fight to save your child from PAS & wait until they grow up & find out for themselves how badly
they were abused by your former spouse & the Court.
This would be the same
as letting your child drown until they learned how to swim themselves. You have a solemn duty to protect your children &
thus you can't ever shirk from that duty.